The following are some supplemental notes to my sermon on August 3, 2008, at Agoura Bible Fellowship:
In your family of origin, what were some of the unwritten unhealthy family rules that got hardwired into your brain? Here are some common ones …
1. More money is the best source of security and importance.
2. Avoid conflict at all costs; stuff your angry feelings.
3. Men can be promiscuous, but women cannot.
4. You are not allowed to be depressed; just get over it.
5. Sarcasm is the most acceptable way to release your anger.
6. Never speak of your family’s dirty laundry in public.
7. Don’t trust people; they’ll just hurt you and let you down.
8. Other cultures or races are not as good as yours.
9. Your feelings cannot be trusted, so just ignore them.
10. You must achieve and perform well in order to be loved.
What other dysfunctional family rules would you add to this list? What other kinds of unhealthy messages did you absorb from your parents and grandparents when you were growing up?
For me, doing this is painful. I don’t want to have to look back and dig up old dirt! I don’t want to have to uncover family secrets. Can’t I just be grateful to be a new creation in Christ?
The problem is, if I never consciously grieve and bury my pain from the past, it will continue to haunt me and drag me down.
Just because we grew up in a Christian home and went to church and heard thousands of sermons does not mean that deeply entrenched negative influences of our ancestry have been eradicated from our lives. For that to happen, we must be discipled in how to allow our heavenly family identity supercede our earthly family identity.
(For more insights like these, see "Emotionally Healthy Spirituality" by Peter Scazzaro)
