Are You Overscheduled?

I a very much looking forward to Family Coach, Tim Smith, speaking to us both on Sunday morning October 12, and Sunday evening October 12 for our parenting seminar.

Here is a preview of Tim's insight:

Family Coach Tim Smith’s 15 Ways To Check If I’m Over-scheduled

Everyone needs some kind of indicator that tells them to slow down. Here is my ‘Life Speedometer’ that helps me avoid ‘speeding tickets’.

You know you are too busy when...
1. You don't seem to have time to do the things that used to put a smile on your face.
2. You can't remember the last time you heard your spouse laugh (and not at you!)
3. You can't remember where you were the last time you saw your child laugh?
4. You don't have time to read books you love.
5. You haven't had a leisurely conversation with a close friend in months.
6. You can't recall the last time you wrestled with your son on the carpet? Or played make-believe with your daughter?
7. You haven't had a meal together as a family (with no interruptions) for over a week.
8. You are out more than 3 nights a week.
9. You and your spouse haven't had a romantic getaway out of town (without the kids) for over nine months.
10. You don't have a date night at least twice a month. (No kids)
11. Your “yes’s” outnumber your “no’s.”
12. You don't know your wife's favorite perfume, or store or home decorator TV show; or your husband's favorite sports team, store or favorite TV show.
13. You spend too much money; don't have a budget and face rising credit card debt.
14. You haven't identified key values you want to develop in your family and character qualities in your children.
15. You don't have time for accountability and openness with close friends who have earned the right to ask the hard questions.

Application Questions for "Being Called A Christian"

The following are some supplemental notes to my sermon on August 3, 2008, at Agoura Bible Fellowship:

In your family of origin, what were some of the unwritten unhealthy family rules that got hardwired into your brain? Here are some common ones …

1. More money is the best source of security and importance.
2. Avoid conflict at all costs; stuff your angry feelings.
3. Men can be promiscuous, but women cannot.
4. You are not allowed to be depressed; just get over it.
5. Sarcasm is the most acceptable way to release your anger.
6. Never speak of your family’s dirty laundry in public.
7. Don’t trust people; they’ll just hurt you and let you down.
8. Other cultures or races are not as good as yours.
9. Your feelings cannot be trusted, so just ignore them.
10. You must achieve and perform well in order to be loved.

What other dysfunctional family rules would you add to this list? What other kinds of unhealthy messages did you absorb from your parents and grandparents when you were growing up?

For me, doing this is painful. I don’t want to have to look back and dig up old dirt! I don’t want to have to uncover family secrets. Can’t I just be grateful to be a new creation in Christ?

The problem is, if I never consciously grieve and bury my pain from the past, it will continue to haunt me and drag me down.

Just because we grew up in a Christian home and went to church and heard thousands of sermons does not mean that deeply entrenched negative influences of our ancestry have been eradicated from our lives. For that to happen, we must be discipled in how to allow our heavenly family identity supercede our earthly family identity.

(For more insights like these, see "Emotionally Healthy Spirituality" by Peter Scazzaro)

Our Daughter's Wedding - One Week Later

It's now been 172 hours since Beth and Sam's nuptials. It was a gorgeous day. Many family and friends said sincerely that it was the most beautiful wedding they'd ever attended. The bride and groom were calm and radiant -- and are now honeymooning in Hawaii.

The most surreal moment for me was the father-daughter dance. We felt all alone, secluded, oblivious to all the gawking guests and flashing photos, as "I Loved Her First" proclaimed my unique daddy status in Beth's life.

Here is a tiny sampler gallery of the event. Enjoy!

-Dale

Oh My Aching Back

Yesterday was the big move day for Karen's mom. It was the third move in six months: Atria Hillcrest (some assisted living near Karen), then Castle Hill (larger room, less cost, but independent living), to now the last destination: OakView at University Village (brand new, very nice, and lots of care-giving).

WillaMae's health has slowly deteriorated to the point that she can no longer stand or walk without a walker, and attempts to do so can easily result in her falling to the ground. But breaking a bone is something she might not recover from -- hence, the higher level of care.

So after our Men's Breakfast on Wednesday, I got the UHaul and spent 11 hours running hard to load and unload the truck, doing the final packing along the way with some help from our Home Bible Fellowship group and a couple friends from our previous church, and Sam (my nearly son-in-law). (Thanks you all!)

So this morning, I hurt. Cramped back muscle. Tender arm tendons. Yet wedding plans march along, while setting up her TV and phone are on tonight's agenda. Pray for me to find joy in the tiredness of serving my mother in law -- and for her health to rally in her new environment.

- Dale

Encouraging Words

Proverbs 16:24 says:
Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

I got a taste of honeycomb words just now, when someone emailed me with this:
"We really enjoyed the sermon yesterday. [A first time guest] told us that it was the first time he ever got anything out of going to church. I just wanted to pass that along to you to give you some encouragement!"

Thank you, Lord. That always helps - especially on a Monday!
-Dale

Hiking and Clay Pigeons

Today was our Elder/pastoral staff retreat in the mountains north of Saticoy, east of Camarillo. Gary Rafferty set it up with the owner on the property his grandfather used to own. After great breakfast, we took a two hour vertical loop (five mile hike) - with prayer together in a shady spot at the peak - and then we engaged in the decimation and cathartic slaying of a few boxes of clay pigeons. (No animals were harmed in this testosteronish ritual.) We cooked up some chicken/guacamole burritos, then blew off some more 12-guage shells until our shoulders hurt. Thanks Gary!
- Dale

The Visit

Today, Jon and I met with the principal of Agoura High School, asking how we could be of help to him by serving needs at the school. He was very receptive to the idea, and will get back to us with a list of projects/needs we could help with.

To put this in context, on June 1, we will be encouraging our whole congregation to serve for two hours on a practical hands-on project, with many going to Agoura High School.

(ABF will be one 50+ churches in the Conejo Valley that are participating in this Serve Weekend. Because Agoura High School is in our own backyard, with high-schoolers parking in our lot and on our street every day, it’s a no-brainer. We can all walk over there after church on Sunday June 1, work for a couple of hours, then walk back here and have a lunch together, where we will have a chance to share our experiences and talk about what we learned.)

This June 1 event is already being planned our Elders and staff. We’ll all gather for one worship service at 9am on Sunday, June 1, then leave our youngest children here with early child-care, while our older kids, middle schoolers and high schoolers and adults all head out for a two hour community service project, then come back here for lunch.

Then, after June 1, since our HBF’s typically don’t meet during the summer, we’d like to ask each HBF to pick one project during the summer, from one hour to one day in length, to do together, anytime from June through August. We will all have the whole month of May to brainstorm and plan it. (It can be anything, from visiting a nursing home, to weeding the yard of an elderly person, to serving lunch to a Habitat for Humanity work crew, to picking up trash along a road, to .... well, sky's the limit.)

And throughout the summer, once your group has completed that project, we’ll invite someone from your HBF to give a quick report to the church on what you did. (And for those not currently in a HBF, but would like to participate in a project, we’ll be taking sign-ups on May 4 after the service – so nobody has to be left out.)

So please begin thinking and praying about how God may want your group to put shoe leather to our faith!

- Dale

Admin Assistant Day

Today we celebrate the women in our office who work to make the pastors look good. Thank you, Nancy and Terry and Cindy, for your faithful service to the Lord at ABF!
- Dale

Blog It for Dummies

Dave Anthold just gave me some great information. Using facebook, and a free program called Blog It, I can write ONE blog entry, and it automatically posts to all three of my blog sites at once. Cool and amazing. Did I mention it's free? Following Google's lead, free is the new "value" in the 21st Century. Thanks, TypePad, for making this available for us dummies!
-- Dale

Is Religion Evil?

This morning I just read a disturbing poll result that claims that most people now think that the new social evil of the 21st century is religion. There is a widespread belief that faith of any kind is intolerant, irrational, is used to justify persecution. People think it divides society by fueling intolerance and spawning “irrational” educational policies (no doubt, those striving for a format for intelligent design). People think that religion inspires hatred and prejudice throughout the world, and is commonly used as justification for persecution of women, gays and people who do not have faith.

This is sad. Very sad. By simplistically lumping "all religion" into one camp, all these people who have no hope beyond this life have become absolutely closed-minded and vitriolic in their atheism. They mock the "God of love" because they see so little fruit in the lives of those who claim to follow God. No transformation, no converts.

On one hand, I'd like to point out the vast social benefits that have come from the Christian faith and worldview - schools, orphanages, hospitals, ending slavery, etc. But these folks would reply by claiming that its the Christians, those "republicans", who want to destroy the environment and rape the planet for a profit, and deprive gays their civil right of marriage, so "they" hold the higher moral ground.

On the other hand, perhaps we should simply agree with charge against "religion" and join our voices to the chorus -- then lovingly point out that true followers of Jesus do not have religion; they have a relationship with the most amazing man who ever lived. We follow a Person, not a prejudicial plan to show our superiority. We are here to serve, to love, to lift up, and to suffer for being misunderstood.

Jesus said, "Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you." (Matthew 5:11-12).

We live in a time when these words are being fulfilled. It's time to rejoice in how blessed we are as followers of Jesus.

ABF Website

Thanks to iWeb, we have just launched Phase One of ABF's new website at http://www.agourabible.org

Eventually, this will morph into an interactive "Web 2.0" site with even more features.

Check it out!

Grandparenting Begins

Just a couple weeks ago, Peter and Marjie let us know that they are expecting their first baby in November, thus making us eligible for the most enviable status known to mankind: grandparents. As of this writing, the little person is nine weeks along -- and sprouting limbs like a pro.

I've heard that this stage of life will make all the prior trials feel worthwhile!

New Personal Site

After accidentally allowing my domain name and hosting to expire (since we moved), I've just uploaded a new site on my old domain.

Visit it at dalejohnsen.com