Rewards in Heaven, Part Two

Another good friend, who is very alert to social justice issues, asks:

In a church that is full of people living well below their means, radically helping the poor and the least of these, concerned and working for true social justice--not moralistic political power--a church that is not worldly the way the American church is...then some discussion of rewards might be useful... What's the difference between the health and wealth gospel of Joel Osteen and teaching about crowns/mansions in heaven? Just the location? Can we appeal to greed so long as it is in heaven? Greed deferred is still greed. How can rewards be motivators in our love and pursuit of God, since then in just some spiritualized way, our pursuit of God is then just a pursuit of ourselves?

My response:

I understand your socio-politico concerns about not over-emphasizing rewards in order to serve as a counter-force to not appeal to our naturally greedy natures. But I say that whatever the Scriptures teach, we need to teach it, openly, completely and in balance, "the whole counsel of God", at some time, and not totally neglect any aspect of God's revealed truth -- for not everyone is any congregation is at the same place of what they need to hear. Otherwise we risk playing "god" with our subjective evaluations of what we think people need based on our biases and out of our temptation to manipulate them.

I think that appeal to future self-interest in heaven is purely an appeal to faith, genuine, God-blessed faith: forgo what you want now, in faith that there really is something better beyond the blue (cf. sung about in black spirituals) -- not just because I "can't have it now" (since I'm poor) but because I choose to forgo present pleasures now because I trust Jesus' promise: sell what you have and give to the poor, THEN YOU WILL HAVE TREASURE IN HEAVEN. What is that, if not an appeal to personal future self-interest? God created us, so He knows how to motivate us. Yet it requires a truckload of faith to DO IT.

That's why we don't do it. We don't have THAT much faith. If we did, then why don't we give 50% or more of our income away for missions and relief of African poverty and live very meagerly now? Because our motivation isn't strong enough! Does that mean we don't love God enough? No. I don’t think the only motivational question is "Do I love God?" but "Do I trust God?" In other words, do I have the faith of Abraham? God didn't commend Abram's love for God, but for his faith that God would keep His promises of BLESSING to him and to his descendants -- i.e. Abe had self-interest and self-promotion involved, but it took a truckload of faith (waiting 25 years, then being willing to kill his son) to appropriate it.

Joel Osteen's appeal to health and wealth NOW is not an appeal to real faith. It's an appeal short-term immediate-results faith that scams people to give now to get more material goods in a short time on earth, and that is SIGHT, not faith. But Hebrews 11 talks of those who looked for God's "city" (future enjoyment) after their torture and death. That is real faith, even with anticipation of something "good for me".

Self interest is not intrinsically evil. We are to love others AS we love ourselves. God expects us to have a healthy, honest self love, as long as we don't only love self. By sacrificially giving to missions, or to ease poverty, we are loving others, and God says when you do that now, He will reward us for us later. 100 fold. The disciples asked, what will we get for leaving all behind to follow Jesus? That's a legitimate question. Jesus didn't scold them for asking it, but assured them that it will be worth their sacrifice. In the end, they will look back and be glad they gave up temporary worldly pleasures -- just like Moses. In Hebrews 11:25-26 - He chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a short time. He regarded disgrace for the sake of Christ as of greater value than the treasures of Egypt, because he was looking ahead to his reward.

What reward did Moses look forward to receiving? Just seeing God face to face in heaven someday? No. He could have had that even if he had stayed in Egypt, become Pharaoh and kept his faith in God. He still would have been "saved". But he wanted more than 50 years of easy existence on earth and a "I barely made it" pass into heaven. He wanted eternal rewards. Forever! Whether that means sitting closer to God's throne, or ruling more galaxies or cities, or having more crowns, or enjoying a bigger heavenly mansion on earth or in the clouds, or hearing a louder "Well done" from his Creator, Moses knew that there was GREAT VALUE in obeying God, even though it cost him plenty in terms of suffering on earth in order to get it.

So there HAS to be a distinction of rewards form God in the future, with some receiving more than others. I take God's Word at face value, and any "theology" we adopt has to bend to fit the Word, not vice versa.

So, to answer your question, is greed deferred still greed? I say no. Delayed gratification is always viewed as a sign of maturity and responsibility and wisdom, while grabbing for immediate gratification now (through illegal drugs, illicit sex, stealing to get rich quick, killing to get a promotion) is always unloving and evil and selfish. Those who defer income to a retirement account on earth and are careful with consumer debt are wise; those who spend it as fast as they get it on booze and prostitutes (a.k.a. prodigal behavior) and get over their heads in debt are foolish.

Is the "wise" person just as "greedy" as the "foolish" person? He is actually doing a better job of looking out for his (and his family's) best interests. Does that make him "greedy"? Not necessarily. What if the "wise" person has been tithing the whole time, and funding his own medical missions trips to Mozambique, and feeding the homeless in his community, thereby storing up treasures in heaven while at the same time storing up retirement funds for his family? I would commend that behavior, and I think God would, too. But the person who fuels his lusts for pleasure and power and possessions through immediate conspicuous consumption and doesn't share generously (1 Timothy 6) -- now THAT'S the truly greedy, short-sighted, stupid person -- in my book and (according to the Scripture) in God's book as well.

Rewards in Heaven, Part One

In response to my previous post, I've been asked by a good friend with a Reformed education: "Will all those who enter the kingdom also inherit the kingdom, or only some? Are there different categories of saved people, the spiritual, who are heirs of the kingdom, as opposed to the carnal, who are mere citizens of the kingdom? Would this explain how an unrighteous believer (i.e. a Christian who persists in sin) can be saved from hell, but not share in the inheritance of enjoying rewards in the kingdom during the millennial reign of Christ?"

My response: Yes! However, I want to be clear that I see a full spectrum of obedience/trust among born-again believers, from minimal to monumental faithfulness, not just a simple categorization of either spiritual or carnal. And I'm hesitant to be quite so free with waving the grace-wand on those who "persist in" blatant rebellion, as I would also have doubts as to whether they ever had a genuine conversion experience. "Some went out from us for they were really never part of us" says 1 John 2:19. But yes, I think it's possible for a "true believer" who is living "in sin" to still go to heaven based on his/her being born again genuinely and permanently, receiving God's gift of eternal life by faith. But I wouldn't call that person a disciple or an heir. Even though he is still a "son", by virtue of being born again by grace, he is "cut out of the inheritance" of added blessings and rewards, or anything beyond merely being part of God's family. In other words, his eternal salvation is not based on his own works of perseverence or evidences of faithfulness -- but is based entirely on grace through faith in Christ alone.

The thought I'm pondering now is that Christ's invitation to enter the kingdom may not at all be primarily about "being saved and going to heaven" as we evangelicals have normally interpreted the focus to be, but rather, Jesus may be inviting us to enter into "kingdom living" now by means of living the way Christ instructs us to live (Matthew 5-7) Of course, those who enter fully into this kingdom of God on earth will also continue in this kingdom during the millennium and in heaven, both as citizens and as reward-receiving heirs.

Perhaps a "coming to the middle" view may be to envision "rewards" not in a tangible way (which is so offensive to amillennialists), but in terms of closer proximity to Christ in heaven, of having a more intimate walk with Him in His inner circle, or a more prominent role in running the universe (such as the "sit at my right and left" kinds of positions, which Christ affirmed are real, even though He wasn't going to assign them necessarily to James and John!)

Or we can envision all these rewards taking place in the earthly millennial kingdom, with full equality to follow in eternity, post Revelation 22. But for that view, we still require consistent literal and normal interpretation of prophecy, rather than spiritualizing God's Old Testament promises away.

Beatitudes Revisited

I'm reading Dallas Willard's "The Divine Conspiracy" and just finished chapter four on interpreting the beatitudes in Matthew 5/Luke 6. Most people assume, and I have preached a series on it, that the eight "Blessed are..." statements are a description of the kind of person God wants us to be. (Bill Gothard says it is a description of the character of Christ, of "beautiful attitudes".) When I preached on these many verses years ago, I went a step further and turned it into a logical sequence from humility at conversion (poor in spirit) to missionary martyrdom (in persecution). The goal, I thought, is for us to "be more mournful over our sin, hunger more for righteousness, be more meek, etc." in order to become more Christlike.

One can make sense of it that way. Most do. We try to emulate these eight qualities, then give up in despair when they see the lack of congruence in our lives.

However, Dallas turns this all on its head. Rather than this being a new list of legalistic standards that, when practiced, make God happier with us, (by works), it is, instead, a list of negatives in the eyes of our society, a set of descriptions of what we, in our humanness, don't want and don't respect. It points to those people in our world that we tend to ignore or avoid, to those we tend to think "are not going to cut it," and elevates their status to full equality in God's kingdom.

So, rather than "poor in spirit" being a synonym for humility, it describes a person who feels like a zero, who has no self-confidence, who is looked down on in society -- and Jesus says that His kingdom is available and open to that person, as well as the "high spirited, confident, popular" person that our world admires. The meek and merciful person who gets taken advantage of and stepped on, the broken-hearted sad person who has suffered many losses and griefs, the waffling peacemaking person who always gets caught in the middle of opposing arguments and is friends with neither side, the one who is constantly frantically seeking justice but can't find it, the pure-in-heart perfectionist who has OCD and is never happy with things being "right enough" for her tastes, the one who is under persecution and being treated miserably -- all of these people are welcomed to find blessedness and bliss by taking up their place within God's kingdom. God's kingdom has nothing to do with external appearances, or status in society, or status in the church, but has everything to do with living life (doing what Jesus says) out of the "center" of genuine, perfect, agape love.

In a culture that says "forget the losers and praise the beautiful, rich, sexy, talented, smart", Jesus says, "No; my kingdom doesn't leave out anybody; it's open to all, even the worst among us." That's why thieves and prostitutes are getting into Christ's kingdom before the Pharisees are -- because they are humble enough to accept a free gift and not try to earn it.

Most people think of "entering the kingdom" as being saved and gaining fire insurance from heaven and a ticket to heaven. Therefore "those who practice sin" won't make it to heaven. Or, in a rewards theology, habiitual sinners won't "inherit" the kingdom, which means they may get to heaven, but as paupers, by the skin of their teeth, without any rewards. But if "the kingdom" is framed primarily in terms of "living life now on earth by continually consciously submitting to God's rule", then "not entering the kingdom" means primarily that these people live THIS current earthly life outside of the power and blessing of God's kingdom now. They live like our culture tells them to live, selfishly, striving for more money, sex and power, rather than from a heart that is fully surrendered to the Lordship of Christ, fully committed to live as Jesus' apprentice in all aspects.

Given this understanding, the majority of "Christians" who attend church are not yet living in the kingdom, for their lifestyle is more world-directed than God-directed. They may still go to heaven when they die, because they have accepted the gift of justification by faith alone, but right now, they are unknowingly being unfaithful citizens of the kingdom of heaven while on their pilgrimmage to that promised land. Why? Because they believe that the "best life" involves getting all the pleasures and possessions and power they can now, in their own strength, rather than relaxing and trusting God to take care of them.

Here's the reality: God's way of life, living as Jesus instructed, produces the best life NOW as well as the best life LATER. Living a disciple's life of "trust and obey" now yields the best life on earth, by abiding in the Vine, walking in the Spirit, seeking God's guidance, seeing reality through God's eyes, loving God and loving people relentlessly. But it also yields the best life later, in heaven, as Christ promises eternal rewards (cf. talents, minas, "govern more cities", be closer to Christ both in proximity and position for all eternity).

See chapters 24-26 in my book, "What To Do Until Christ Comes" as well as books on eternal rewards -- such as "Treasure Principle" by Randy Alcorn and "A Life God Rewards" by Bruce Wilkinson.

Both now and later, "closeness with God" is our greatest reward and highest treasure, but God, in His graciousness, quantifies this by transforming our character into Christlikeness on earth (allowing us to live a "kingdom life" now, being progressively more sanctified, in the midst of hostile territory) and by giving us crowns/responsibilities in the millennial kingdom and in heaven (allowing us to live a pure and complete "kingdom life" without any competition, once Satan and his demons and human followers are all confined in hell and once our sin nature is removed in the glorification of our spirit, soul and body.)

My job, as a pastor, is to model this God-pleasing, kingdom-focused life, then teach it to others. Only this has the power to tranform the world -- one person, one family, one church, one city, one nation, at a time.

It's Not About Trying Harder

As I review Dallas Willard's "Renovation of the Heart" and preach through the Virtues of the Heart sermon series, it has become more obvious to me that one of the chief hindrances to our spiritual growth is this: in our desire to become holy, and in our attempts to overcome our sin, we try too hard in our own strength, through our own efforts, rather than rest in the Holy Spirit to change us on the inside.

This is so often misunderstood. God's way for us to gain more love and joy and peace and patience and kindness and goodness and faithfulness and gentleness and self-control and humilty and hope is not to try harder and do more and work more diligently in our own strength. We can do it for awhile, but it won't last very long. God's plan to develop His fruit, His virtue, in us is that we abide in the Vine and stay filled with the Spirit, and then, through spiritual disciplines, let God do in us what we cannot accomplish by direct effort. Once the internal foundation of surrender to the Spirit's control is in place, then all the external choices we make to grow in obedience to God (fasting, Scripture memory, silence and solitude, service, etc.) will help to amplify and accelerate our internal transformation to Christlikeness.

But it has to start with "cease striving and know that I am God ... not you!"

Why Can't Christians Act More Like Christ?

That's the perennial question. It haunts me. It flows from that famous quote from Gandhi: "I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ."

If the Church is the hope of the world (which I believe it is), then why does the world despise us so? The answer is simple: it's because we behave extremely unchristlike - and all the world can see is the "Bible in me."

So, Pat Robertson's embarrassing comment about "taking out" Venezuelan President Chavez only serves to confirm the world's worst fears about Christians: that we hate and want to control everyone who is not just like us.

When Christians sue their Christian employers for frivolous or imaginary faults, then sign "In Christ" at the bottom, it makes non-Christians hysterical about our blatant, self-serving hypocrisy.

When Christians act disgusted with people who sport multiple piercings and tattoos, instead of accepting and loving them as "pre-Christians", we ruin any opportunity for spiritual dialogue.

On the other hand, when someone like Ashley Smith talks down a murderer by sharing what she's been reading in "The Purpose Driven Life," all of heaven smiles.

But for the most part, it's so sad to realize that the Church, the bride of Christ, which Christ died to make beautiful, so often makes herself ugly with proud sneers and self-righteous blindness -- not noticing how we are harming the very cause we say we are living for.

I'm not without fault. At times I catch myself acting in an unchristlike manner. Self-loathing is sometimes appropriate. And the only solution is to seek the renovation of the heart through becoming dead to self and alive to God, through self-denial via spiritual disciplines that chip away at the crusty old man and reveal, through pain, the slow emergence of Christ in me.

In Fall 2005, I'm preaching through the "Virtues of the Heart" -- fruit of the Spirit plus humility and hope. I'm doing it because I need it. I need to be continually transformed from the inside out. And if anyone else benefits from the overflow. praise God.    

Wasting Time with God

I'm currently teaching a course for Biola University's BOLD program (bachelor's of organizational leadership development degree) in Christian Theology at our church campus satellite classroom, and Klaus Issler's book called Wasting Time with God is required reading for the students. So I'm reading it also.

Of course, I've heard it all a thousand times before, and preached it on many occasions. But doing it is so hard.

Carving out time to do nothing but waste time with God is essential for my spiritual growth, and yet slowing down brings so much resistance from my own soul. When my outer life runs on overdrive, my inner life goes malnourished. But I keep running on fumes.

Today I put my brain in "park" for 15 minutes. I took a cat nap on my office couch. I took time to write this -- as an attempt to journal my thoughts before God. I want to keep the wheels greased on my soul. That's a decision to make over again each and every day.

Blessed are the Peacemakers

God created us for relationships -- so isn't it weird how easy it is for us to mess them up? It doesn't take much for harsh words (spoken out of hurt or fear) and misunderstandings (spoken out of ignorance or selfishness) to create distrust and doubt among family members or team members. And then we get so consumed with our own feelings, we fail to obey Matthew 18 by going quickly to clear it up. (Yeah, yeah, we're waiting for the other guy to come to us, I know.... right....)

That's why Christians need to function as peacemakers between friends and colleagues. Unity and peace in Christ is essential for God's "army" to march forward together, and squabbles amongst the troops are, well, unacceptable. When people are dying and going to hell, there's no excuse to NOT humble ourselves and give all we've got toward reconciliation and rebuilding of relational bridges. So whether it's your own battle, or someone else's -- step up and be a peacemaker. Jesus says that doing so might make others mistake you for Him .... for you will be called a "son of God."

Now, as Dr. Laura says, go do the right thing......

Why I believe in human free will

Here is my response to the question: How can we have free will if John the Baptist was filled with the Spirit before he was born?

God knows who all the elect will be before they are born. John the Baptist was going to be God's man (just like Jeremiah in 1:5). I believe that it is God's perfect foreknowledge of our future faith that seals our election. As time plays out, we freely choose to trust God, and God knew absolutely that would be the case, and on that basis, had us marked out before birth. But that doesn't squash the free will that we actually exercise in time.

The Calvinist might say that our lives are like a movie which God is the writer, director and producer. So we really don’t have any free will because we are all actors playing the part given to us, reading the script as written by God, moving as God directs us on the pre-planned stage. Not only has God seen the whole movie in His mind (foreknowledge) before it airs, but also, He orchestrates every little part to His liking.

On the other hand, I see our lives as more of a “Reality show”. God has set up the “stage” for the show, but we aren’t paid actors, so when the cameras roll, it is almost totally up to us what we do on screen. There is a direction we must follow (based on the fact that God selected our parents, race, nationality, IQ, environment, starting economic level, etc.) but there is no script. At any point God can intervene with a new “twist” to set things in a different motion all the while the characters still are free in their choices of what they decide to do. And yet in God’s foreknowledge, He has seen the whole show even before it airs so He knows exactly what will happen in advance.

Since God KNEW John the Baptist would follow Him, even without the Spirit's filling, God didn't change John the Baptist's eternal destiny by giving him a head start through filling him with the Spirit inside his mother’s womb! (And filling is a temporary phenomenon, according to Ephesians 5:18, though I suspect JB's was of a different character.)

Romans 8:29 and 1 Peter 1:2 both say that foreknowledge comes before election. That clinches it for me. No one is ultimately and totally free except God, yes. Even though the angels had a lot of freedom, they didn’t have as much as God.

Our freedoms as humans are limited by many factors. But Romans 1 and 2 say that no one has any excuse not to believe in God and pursue Him .... which implies that all have enough freedom to do so .... and that eliminates any claim of "not fair" against God when judgment comes. You could argue that God can fairly create and condemn people without any chance, but that person will never agree that it was fair, and how can God be glorified when you have billions of people cursing Him and hating Him forever in hell because they think He wasn't fair to them? I can't comprehend that one! But if they all know, yes, I had my chance, and it's my own fault I'm in hell, then God is glorified and "shown to be right" in the eyes of all humanity.

All of God's decisions are eternal in the sense that they were made before time via omniscience. But, the question arises, what about God’s hardening of Pharaoh's heart? God "secured" the hardened heart that Pharaoh had already hardened on his own. The scripture says Pharaoh did it first, then God confirmed it. I think God gave Pharaoh the superhuman ability to keep on hardening his own heart when all others would have collapsed and given in under the pressure of the judgments ...... but the decision to harden his heart in the first place was Pharaoh's own. And God knew that would be so from all eternity. Then God somehow enabled him to be as stubborn and stupid as Pharaoh already wanted to be (but would have caved on his own.)

If the object of God's wooing love CANNOT have the option of saying no, the choice to accept it has become manipulation. An analogy would be the Stepford Wives brainwashing -- they think they're happy, but they are only a pawn in a sinister plot to force them to be happy and compliant. I think that "irresistible grace" could be described that way. Yet Scripture says that we can resist the Spirit (Acts 7).

It has to be possible to fight back against the Matrix, to resist Big Brother (1984), to be, like Frodo, determined to resist the luring power of the ring and choose to do the right thing even when it fights all your instincts. Take away that free will, and you destroy the essence of humanity, and destroy the image of God in man (which in part is the ability to choose and create and decide). In other words, when people seek to elevate God's glory by squashing man's freedom, they end up smashing and defacing the glory of God's character that is designed to shine through His image in man.

Obviously, God knows what influences us and what woos us. He can convict each individual (John 16:13-14) effectively. And yet, most people continue to shun Him and reject His offer of relationship. I think that wretched choice on man's part highlights the awful depravity of man. We really are without excuse (Romans 1).

If, at the judgment, the unsaved can say to God, "It’s not fair to send me to hell because You never chose me and enabled me to trust You. You never loved me and wooed me as much as You did others" -- then they WOULD have an excuse, and God's glory would be tainted by the complaints. But if each condemned soul can honestly say, "Yes, I willfully rejected God's grace and chose to rebel out of my own foolish and stubborn free will, so that I could serve my own desires instead of serving God, and so I fairly and rightfully and justly deserve my fate in hell" --- THAT is what will give God pure glory for being good and right and fair. That is when Romans 3 shines through, to "let God be true, and every man a liar."

The very fact that a person can look God's love in the face AND reject it freely is what makes hell the only option left for them. If you are a Christian now, you can't fathom ever making that choice because as one of God's children, doing that is unthinkable to you. But as God shows Himself to be real to everyone through creation and conscience and reason, and shows everyone evidences of His goodness and love (Acts 17), and as He comes to everyone and invites them to be a part of His wedding feast (Luke 14) and invites them all to come and drink (Isaiah 55) and the Spirit says to all, "Come" (Revelation 22), and STILL they reject Him and break His heart and from a sinful, selfish, untrusting heart, say “NO!” -- then with tears in His eyes, He will have no other choice to say to these whom He desired to be saved, "Depart from me, I never knew you."

And at the same time, when some say YES to God, from a free and uncoerced will, showing that God IS the most worthy thing in the universe, and without manipulation and brainwashing, choose to love Him back, as a parallel to every human love story we've ever known, just as God describes our relationship in terms of husband and wife (in both OT and NT), THEN God is glorified, because we could have said no, but didn't. Why? Because being with Him IS more valuable than silver and gold and fame and power and pleasures of every sort. And our free choice to love Him back proves that -- to the angels and demons, and to the unsaved, forever. And so in the lake of fire, they'll have to feel not anger and bitter toward a God who didn't love and pursue them and show Himself to them ENOUGH to convince them, but rather, they'll feel regret and self-loathing for having been so stupid, short-sighted and selfish in their temporal pursuit of making themselves their own god instead of worshipping their Creator (Romans 1).

And that’s why I believe the Bible teaches that we have free will.

Amen and amen.

More encouragment for Moms

Teenage years are challenging, but the preschool years provides the other toughest chapter of childrearing. But once the elementary school years are fully upon you, you'll find some relief, as long as you don't physically wear yourself out being a 24/7 chauffeur.

When your kids can do chores correctly, and follow a routine, and control their voice volume better, it can be a great time for fond and loving memories to grow. So right now, while you feel the heat of the fire, don’t project a future full of awful fears. Stop it! Choose hope for a better tomorrow, and you'll be more likely to experience it.

What do you think Mary did as she changed Jesus' diapers? Live in the surface moment? No. She dreamed of what He would become. You can do the same. You have to, in order to keep up your hope.

As you verbalize your hopes to your kids, telling them what you envision them becoming, they will come to aspire to become just that. You will plant self-confidence in their hearts because once they know you really believe in them, it will help them believe in themselves.

Girl! You've got to train your mind to think right thoughts or you'll mess your emotions over. Think of the Apostle Paul in prison, writing to the Philippians, talking about joy. Dude, he had reason to complain, but he found reasons to rejoice.

I think you need to count your blessings. So here is an assignment: literally make a list of 50 things you are grateful for, and read that list every day this week. I'm serious. Do it!

Don’t forget: you are awesome and you're going to make it....

Encouragement for Moms

Are you tired? Frustrated? Want to quit? Ready to resign your motherhood post?

Take a breath. You are a good mom who's been on tilt for awhile. But within a short time, by tweaking a few details and regaining your rhythm of life (time with the kids, time alone with God, time alone with your husband, time with friends) you'll find the inner peace you need to enjoy the rambunctious noise without anger, and the confidence to set reasonable boundaries for both your kids and yourself so that future anger is preempted most of the time, and you'll become transformed from an already good, solid mom to an amazingly great mom -- and still have an adult life with a mind in use.

As you lean on God's strength, you have the inner strength and outer stamina to do it. You can do it! A lot of it will be designing a daily routine and schedule that you can count on most of the time. That way you can deliberately phase in and out of the loud times and the quiet times with your kids (as they adapt to your new style). You'll identify what refreshes you emotionally and "bathe" in that for a little while each day (quiet worship time, or listening to music, or reading, or going to the YMCA, etc) = recharging your emotional batteries to play hard with your darlling kids .... those reflections of YOU who will pick out your nursing home one day .....

Don't you just love it!?

I wish we could have had more children. We love our two adult children so much now. I also sometimes miss the other two who would be in high school now.

I say this to encourage you to persevere. The reward awaits at the other end of life, and that joy will last far longer than your present pain.

It will work out. Your kids are resilient. One day you will smile back at all the tears......

You ARE going to make it!